The real story behind the series of unfortunate events on the HMS Ribble.
The Curse of the HMS Ribble
It was a night, dark and stormy,
and the bar was nice and homey,
when a man, wild of eye and hair walked in -
"Barkeep", he said, "bring me some gin!"
A sailor's cap he had on his head,
and on the ribbon it said -
He saw us all staring at it,
and onto the floor he spit.
Oh, aye 'tis my ship, that be,
and its been a long, hard time at sea.
If you here assembled do will,
and my glass you promise to fill,
I'll tell you my tale of woe,
I'd not wish it on any foe -
The curse of the HMS Ribble.
Our captain called the sea witch a bad name,
which really offended that nasty beldame.
Yes, we picked up a curse
and things just went from bad to worse.
Our troubles began while we were dry docked,
the rudders we could not get unlocked,
and we ran up on a small barge.
(the captain blamed the officer in charge!)
The sea witch smiled and said, "That's right",
you can struggle with all of your might,
but you will never be able to fight,
the curse of the HMS Ribble.
the harbor boom trapped us within -
we snuck out through the sub pen.
We had trouble keeping up our steam,
in that hag's eyes we saw such a gleam.
Many items went over and were sunk,
but worst of all, our toilets stunk!
The ship's crew gathered up on the foredeck,
and said to the captain, what the heck?!
You really must take care of this,
because now we've go no where to pi@@!
Please ask the sea witch to lift the curse,
or...not for anything, you might need a hearse.
So the captain of the HMS Ribble,
apologized in fits, starts, and dribbles.
The sea witch replied with a loud roar,
don't insult me sir, please anymore.
He agreed and the curse was soon lifted,
the ship was scrubbed, painted, refitted.
And so ends this tale of hardship and woe -
the curse of the HMS Ribble!